It was just 5 months after my husband and I filed for divorce and 7 months after our separation.
I was a single mom with a 21-month old child and 100% custody…
During my coparent’s first daddy weekend (we’re close to 50/50 custody and he’s an awesome dad! I just had him 100% while he was still very small), I traveled out-of-state to basically get laid.
I wasn’t in love with the man.
I didn’t even have a huge admiration for him.
But I knew that I needed to get my groove back. So why not start with sex?
I thought I was safe. After all, he wasn’t marriage, stepdad, or even boyfriend material.
My heart wasn’t going to get wrapped up in this, so I was fine to play, right?
Attaching myself to a sexual partner would help me quell the intense separation anxiety of sharing custody of my small child, right?
For some odd reason, the relationship, which was supposed to be a “fling” to help me escape the chaos of my life and divorce… turned into heartache.
That’s when I consulted the wisdom of my friend Ellen Smoak, CEO of the Society of Women Entrepreneurs and bestselling author of “Breakups Are a Bitch, But Getting Over Them Doesn’t Have To Be”.
Why Does Heartache Hurt So Badly?
I was sitting in a bar in Apsen, Colorado trying to look cute enough for some old man to buy me champagne, and hopefully chat me up for a while as I sulked over my divorce, my misguided fling, and the suffocating pain of sharing custody of my son.
Then I grabbed Ellen’s book and read it cover to cover in two days.
Ellen explained that when our hearts break, we’re in our right brain.
Our “monkey (right) brain” takes over and our rational (left) brain essentially goes offline.
How To Regain Sanity After Heartbreak
So once we’ve started to get back in our left brain, where do we go from there?
Ellen explained that her philosophy on relationships is very similar to Mary Williamson’s philosophy that relationships are the hospital for the soul.
She believes in spiritual relationships; that everybody who has come into our lives is given to us for a reason for personal development and growth and spirituality.
For many of us it will be…the end of our relationship will be a platform for something new.
Everyone has a similar ability to take that pain and turn it into power.
But first, you have to come to a place in yourself where you take full responsibility for what’s happened.
- We no longer are victimized by our situation.
- We no longer are disempowered by our relationship.
- We are no longer blaming somebody else.
We can’t change our reality unless we take responsibility for creating it. All of it.
Watch the video above to find out how Ellen took BACK her personal power after heartache.
If you want the power to change your reality, see more of Ellen’s videos, as well as more from thirty of the world’s most intelligent and successful mothers here.