Female orgasms. They’re called elusive for a reason…
At least thirty percent of women report having trouble with achieving orgasm either alone or with a partner.
When talking with your friends, you may find that it’s even more.
But why are women’s orgasms so… well… elusive?
I’ve overcome my own share of struggle in the bliss department and I’ve picked up a few habits that have revolutionized my life and partnerships.
Here are a few of the tips I’ve picked up along the road.
1. Get Out of Your Head
In the same way that there’s no “right” way to make love or do partnership, there’s no right way to orgasm.
Some women have several orgasms quickly, and some people take a really long time.
You can actually hinder your ability to achieve orgasm just by mind-f(*&ing yourself into thinking you aren’t “going” fast enough.
Stop that right now.
If you’re slow to orgasm, the way to totally kill your mojo is to put pressure on yourself.
Ask your partner to take a little longer with the foreplay.
Take the reigns and direct the lovemaking to a slower pace.
If you’re like me, make some noise or give some guidance around what feels good and what doesn’t.
If you’re in a long-term partnership you can see your sexual relationship as an evolving piece of art.
Each day and with each new piece of color you add to the picture, you’re a bit closer to that masterpiece which is a sexually divine connection with you, your body, and your partner.
2. Get Into Your Animal Body
I love being a conscious, rational, thinking, reasoning human being.
However, in bed I’ve found that the best way to get into lovemaking is to get out of my head.
Periodically my partner will ask me what I’m thinking about during or after lovemaking.
While I love his attention to my thoughts, the best answer I can give him is this: NOTHING.
If you can release your to-do list, your inhibitions, and any other rational thoughts that come into your brain and really get into that carnal, sensuous, animal nature, you will usually find that arousal and orgasms come more readily when you’re focused on nothing but feeling.
The bonus? Mothers NEED a break from taking care of meals, nap times, diaper changes, sports practices, working and keeping a home.
Letting go in the freedom of lovemaking and surrendering to your body can be reprieve you need to counteract the strain of motherhood all day.
If you’re having trouble letting go and getting into your body, consider this radical approach by Sanela Osmonovic to healing our past traumas through body awareness:
3. Engage Healthy Polarity
I love to surrender control during sex. I love being told what to do, I love being manhandled, grabbed, spanked, you name it.
For the CEO of a company and a mother of a small child, I’m the boss all day.
Surrendering control during sex is a vacation for me.
But there are days when my partner is exhausted from his own business, children, and life demands.
During times when my partner needs a break from being boss and daddy himself, we’ll switch roles for the day and I’ll nourish him or even get aggressive in bed.
This can be a revolutionary step for your relationship outside the bedroom, as well.
In our lives and relationships, we are constantly switching between masculine and feminine energy in our modern lives.
Women are not the traditional “feminine” and men neither are entirely “masculine” at all times.
When you and your partner can reverse roles and nourish each other emotionally, psychologically, and sexually in different ways each day, you’ll be enveloped in a dance that brings greater depth and intimacy to your overall relationship.
If you’re having a hard time surrendering to your lover in bed, consider how good it will feel to let him or her be the “man” in this area. Just like allowing your partner to do a shitty job with diaper changes or doing the dishes, he won’t rise to the occasion if you don’t surrender control.
Consider whether or not surrendering control in bed will infuse your lovemaking with greater polarity and pleasure… for you OR your partner.
4. Show Your Partner Exactly What You Want…
There’s nothing wrong with drawing diagrams, showing your partner precisely where your favorite spots are, exploring together in the heat of a moment, or simply having conversations about what you like… and what you don’t.
Give yourself permission to share what delights you and discard what doesn’t.
In most cases, your partner will be elated to help you achieve more sexual bliss.
Rather than approaching the subject with a, “you’ve been doing this all wrong!”… take personal responsibility.
Tell your partner something like, “I’ve been getting more in tune with my body and I want to share what I’ve learned with you.”
Or you can invite him or her to explore with you. Say, “I’m eager to take my body to new places in sexual love with you. Will you help me hone in what really delights me in bed?”
Your partner will be grateful to know what turns you on. In any event, exploring your magical, complex, and miraculous body together will be a bonding adventure in and of itself!
5. Be Comfortable in Your Body…
In Superwoman School, we spend a LOT of time talking about being comfortable in your body.
In fact, one of the first books I wrote for the Moms Wear Capes program is called “Killer Confidence”, because we know that confident mothers are raising confident children.
Mothers are the most important factors in the evolution and consciousness of our world.
You don’t just need to feel confident about your life’s purpose, but you need to feel confident in your playtime, too.
If you’re struggling to feel confident with the radiant woman you are, you’ll struggle to enjoy sexuality to it’s fullest.
Head over here to grab a raw, real diary of my own journey with body confidence here.
If you want to check out an image of one confident babe, check out Colette Davenport’s free video on what you need to be more confident in this free video.